


Ghosting

by TuskedLioness



Series: How to Not Exist [1]
Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Angst and Humor, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Roommates, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety Disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2019-12-30 10:31:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18313739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuskedLioness/pseuds/TuskedLioness
Summary: Elsa is practically invisible. Most of her world is behind the safety of her bedroom door. She only comes out to walk her dog, visit her mailbox and take trips to the grocery store, and always at odd times so that very little people see her. As far as the world knows, she doesn't exist.Until a necessary evil in the form of a roommate might change that.





	1. The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> special thanks to those who betaed this for me!
> 
> also yes...im obsessed with frozen in this good year of 2019. whoops.

It had been fourteen hours since Elsa last left her room.

It was now one month since her roommate moved in, and this scenario had happened multiple times already. Usually it would last a few hours maximum, but that was because Anna would always leave the house at some point. Today was not that day.

Anna’s car remained in the driveway. All day.

A television babbled from downstairs. Elsa tapped her fingers on her desk in nervous impatience.

Her throat was dry. Her mind kept drifting to the leftover taco salad in the fridge. It was probably soggy, but for once she actually looked forward to the moment when she could eat it.

She just hoped that that moment would be soon.

Elsa had once read about people so private that no one would ever see them walk into a bathroom. Elsa was one of those people, if one took that privacy and multiplied it. She didn’t eat in front of people, nor did she drink. Most of the things she did were an intimate ritual.

But by God’s name…she really needed to eat and drink something. The only good thing to this was that she had a bathroom linked to her room. She couldn’t imagine needing to pee along with this too.

Elsa glanced at the clock. It was eleven pm. She sighed.

Surely Anna would go to bed soon, right?

All Elsa could do was wait. As she did, she passed the time by working on an illustration of a snowy mountain. It was for some picture book.

It took over an hour for the TV to become silent. Anna’s footsteps sauntering away was the most beautiful sound to enter Elsa’s ears.

Just to be safe, she waited another hour, straining her ears to make sure that Anna wasn’t awake. When she was sure that Anna was not going to leave her room again, Elsa finally stood up. She snuck downstairs into the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out the taco salad. Her mouth watered.

Elsa ate quickly but carefully, as to not make a sound. She discarded the container, then poured herself a large, full glass of water. She gulped it down, then refilled the cup and repeated.

After satisfying her needs, Elsa dragged herself back up to her bedroom. She almost shut the door but stopped. She inched back outside.

Something was on the front of her door.

Furrowing a brow, Elsa studied the piece of paper taped onto it. It was a letter- written in colorful ink and in slightly sloppy handwriting. She peeled the paper off and read it.

 

_Elsa,_

_Hi! I know this is crazy but I don’t think I’ve seen you since I moved here. My name is Anna. We should meet sometime! (If you want to I mean.)_

_-Anna. Obviously._

 

Elsa blinked. She stared at it for a moment, eyes blank.

Then the horror hit her.

Did Anna actually think Elsa didn’t know her name?! That wasn’t even the worst part. Had they actually not ran into each other this entire month? She dug into her memory, hoping to find something. They had met…only two times. The first time being when Anna toured the house and agreed to stay here, and the other being when Elsa gave her the key. Wait…that was it?!

 _Of course it was,_ she scoffed at herself. _You starved and parched yourself just to not see her today._

Elsa bit her lip. She’d been snubbing Anna so much that she had to write a letter and tape it to Elsa’s door! Was she too afraid to text Elsa? Maybe she knew that Elsa rarely used her phone due to having no social life?!

Could Elsa have humiliated herself more? Not only had she humiliated herself, but she was being an awful person!

What should she do? What should she say? The questions only made her feel worse. She went in her room and locked the door, as she always did when she wanted to feel safe.

 Elsa balled the paper up and threw it in the trash.


	2. Shampoo Punch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks for Daratato for betaing!

It started to rain. It was slightly more than a sprinkle, so in other words, it was nothing. Having lived here in the Olympic Peninsula her entire life, Elsa had been through worse and it was nothing worth heading back home over. She simply pulled her jacket’s hood over her head, which glittered from the droplets it collected. The emergency umbrella wasn’t needed.

Olaf, on the other hand, had no care about it. He ran about the field as he blew off steam, sniffing tree trunks and chasing after birds until they flew away. Elsa whistled.

“Olaf!” Elsa lifted a decent-sized stick from the ground. She tossed it across the field.

Olaf was after it immediately. He skittered on his tiny legs as fast as he could to catch it. He scooped it in his jaws and headed back towards Elsa.

“Good boy,” Elsa said with a smile. She patted him on the head before removing it from his mouth. “You ready again, little guy?” She wound her arm back and threw it again.

Olaf didn’t budge. Instead he nuzzled her jeans as he always did when he demanded affection.

“Come on now, I took you here to exercise,” Elsa said. “You don’t need to be needy.”

Olaf nuzzled her leg harder. “Oh, alright.” Elsa knelt down, which Olaf then proceeded to bump his head into her hand. She scratched him behind the ears. He was lucky that he was her best and only friend.

She rustled Olaf as a person strolled down the path nearby. Elsa held her breath.

“Cute dog,” the person said, slowing down.

 _Please keep walking,_ Elsa thought. She pulled her lips into a small smile. “Thank you.”

“What breed is it?”

“He’s a French bulldog and corgi mix.” Elsa turned her cheek when Olaf tried to lick her face.

Elsa wouldn’t know if he was _cute_ cute, per se. Cute in a weird way, sure. He had the typical stocky build of a bulldog but with the snout of a corgi, and with large, bat-like ears. He was also pure white when clean, save for three, vertical black dots on his chest that looked like buttons, and another black dot on his head.

“Interesting. I don’t think I’ve seen that type of dog before.”

“People don’t normally breed them together,” Elsa said.

“Well he’s very cute. Have a good day!”

Elsa waved. “You too, ma’am.”

The person walked away and her muscles relaxed. She sighed. She was certain that no one would be here this early at dawn. Usually nobody was save for joggers that were too busy running to talk. What other kind of person would be here this early?

_Me…of course._

After letting Olaf play a little more, Elsa hooked him back to his leash. Pine trees lined the path that they walked down.

As she walked, her mind ran with thoughts. Her heart picked up speed at the thought about if Anna would be awake. _Calm down. It is unlikely._

Anna had to be asleep. It wasn’t even seven thirty yet.

In the two months that they lived together, Elsa had figured out Anna’s schedule. Anna worked day shifts; left the house at eight and arrived back home sometime after five. She’d wake up at seven thirty every morning. Her days off were on Monday and Wednesday. However, on Wednesday, she’d leave the house at some point to go grocery shopping; not at a specific time but generally around noon.

Okay…Elsa was insane.

Anyway, today was a Tuesday, so that meant that Anna had work. It was only six twenty-three, so Elsa had over an hour to spare before Anna woke up.

_Unless she got up early._

Elsa swallowed. No, she couldn’t think of that.

However, her stubborn thoughts continued. _She isn’t obligated to a routine,_ she argued with herself.

She could just imagine it. Elsa would go home to find that Anna was up, brewing herself coffee from the Keurig Anna had brought when she moved in. Anna would look at Elsa, with hurt and anger in her eyes.

_“There you are, Elsa,” she’d drip._

_Elsa wouldn’t know what to say._

_“I noticed that you read my letter. It was off your door the next morning, so I know you saw it. I know you ignored me!”_

_Elsa would then have to figure out a lie. She’d decide to play dumb. “There was a paper on the door?”_

_“You gaslighting piece of shit!”_

Okay, okay. That was a bad excuse to make. Elsa hummed softly as she thought of a better excuse.

_“I read it and agreed that we should meet,” Elsa would say. “But then I got really busy with my job. Sorry about that.”_

_“What’s your job?” Anna would ask._

_“I’m an illustrator.”_

_“So you work from home?”_

_Oh no. Too shaken to think, Elsa would then respond with a simple, honest, “Yes.”_

_“Then you could have worked your fucking schedule around to meet me, you rude piece of shit!” Tears would form in Anna’s eyes. “Why do you ignore me? Do you hate me? What did I ever do to you?!”_

_“I-!”_

_“I’m done with living with you! I’m moving out! Here’s my one month notice!” She would then smack the paper in Elsa’s face._

Her stomach twisted. She wanted to puke. Elsa snapped out of it. She shook her head. That was ridiculous.

 _Thinking about this is not going to help._ She looked down at Olaf. He was sluggish and needed a drink. They were going home whether she liked it or not.

So she kept pushing herself to her house. It was a feat to do it, but the house was finally in sight. Her skin crawled at the sight of Anna’s car.

_She’s asleep. Please stop worrying._

She walked up the driveway. Bracing herself, she unlocked the door. Olaf scampered inside. Heart pounding, she remained on the porch, straining her ears for a sign of anyone. After hearing nothing but Olaf’s pawsteps scritching against the tile, she slowly inched her way inside.

She picked up Olaf’s bowl and filled it with water. She placed it back down and Olaf lapped greedily.

She looked at the clock. It was six forty. She still had time to-

Her thoughts got cut off by the sound of footsteps.

Elsa froze.

At first, she thought that she must be imagining things. After all, people, when in vulnerable states, tend to have their minds play tricks on them. These footsteps, however, were too real. Humming made their way down the stairs as Anna drew closer.

What was she doing up so early?!

No. Now was not the time for questions. She had to think. Where would she go? She couldn’t go to her room because it was upstairs and Anna was on the stairs. She had to leave before Anna saw her.

As quietly yet as hurriedly as she could, Elsa escaped the kitchen, eyes darting around to find something- anything- that she could take cover in.

Then she saw it. The bathroom. Particularly, the shower curtain.

Elsa speed-tiptoed to the bathroom. She slipped inside the shower. The smell of soap filled her nostrils. Her muscles twitched with terror.

_Alright, Elsa…just wait for Anna to make her coffee and go to her room, and then you may head back to yours._

“Why, hello, Olaf!” Anna’s voice cooed from the kitchen. “How are you, cutie pie?” Olaf’s collar rattled from what Elsa guessed was Anna playing with him. A few minutes passed and Elsa was trying not to fidget. She had yet to hear the Keurig brew anything.

Finally, Anna’s footsteps made it to her ears again. They were in the living room now. _Please, whatever you’re doing, please don’t watch the TV._ _Or use the bathroom…._ Her eyes widened and her face paled.

She wanted to slap herself now.

Olaf’s pawsteps followed.

“Sorry, Olaf,” Anna told him. “You can’t follow me. I have to shower before work.”

_SHIT!_

Elsa froze, mortified. She peeked through the crack of the curtain to see Anna outside of the bathroom door.

_Please, Olaf…please save me. Scratch on the door and ask to pee. Do anything!_

Olaf simply sat on the carpet, his tongue lolling as Anna walked into the bathroom.

Elsa resisted a sigh.

She whipped her head around, looking for an escape despite there being none. Of course there was none. Anna was standing in the only exit. Unless she crawled out of the window, but Anna was already approaching.

Elsa cussed inwardly again.

Anna shut the door. Elsa thought that she would pass out from how fast her heart pounded. She felt like a rabbit escaping a predator.

 _Alright, Elsa, think!_ she thought to herself. Anna placed her towel on the toilet. _You can’t just stay in the shower!_

She felt so trapped. She wanted to cry.

And then it happened.

Anna yanked the curtain open.

The scream was horrific. It was a loud, shrill scream that rang through Elsa’s ears and probably the neighborhood.

Elsa darted out of the shower faster than a beam of light on crack.

She was almost out of the door when something heavy rammed into the side of her head. She hit the floor along with a full bottle of shampoo, and before she could even process her fall, a foot struck her stomach, knocking the air out of her.

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU-!! _Elsa?!_ ” Anna fell from her stance and stepped back. Her eyes were wide; crazed with alarm. They made contact with Elsa’s for the first time in two months. “What were you _doing_ in there? Are you okay?”

“I’m…fine,” Elsa murmured. She tottered to her feet, pain shooting in her abdomen. There was no doubt that she was going to get a bruise. “I was just…” She dug into her mind. “Cleaning the shower.” She tried not to cringe after saying that.

There weren’t even any cleaning supplies out! What was she cleaning it with, the water that wasn’t even on?!

“Oh. Okay. Sorry about that.”

“Please don’t worry about it,” Elsa said. She studied the tile. “Have a good shower….”

“You too. I mean- when you do shower. Obviously you’re not in the shower _right now_ , but you were, but next time you’re in the shower.”

“Okay.” She realized that she had slowly been stepping back. Her hand clutched the doorknob. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Elsa left the bathroom. She sped-walk to her room, screaming internally.


	3. Watercolors

_Nine years ago…._

_Today, you are going to make friends._

Elsa’s stomach fluttered. She couldn’t tell if it was from anxiety or excitement. When she felt her skin dampen, she wanted to slap herself.

 _Don’t feel it. Today, you are going to make friends._ The pep talk only made her hands shake more around the steering wheel. _Please control yourself. You have to do this. If you want to be happy, you have to do this._

Elsa drove down the bustling streets. Traffic was normally an annoyance, but this time it provided comfort, since it bought her more time to rehearse.

 _“Hi. My name is Elsa. What is your name?”_ Elsa pretended to say. She imagined someone giving her their name. _“It’s nice to meet you, Name. Would you like to sit with me?”_

 _No, no, no. Hold on,_ Elsa told herself. _Don’t be too immediate. What if they don’t want to sit with you? Or worse, what if they produce an excuse to not do it? What if you don’t notice them beating around the bush and then you make things awkward?_

_“It’s nice to meet you, Name.” Okay…so do I just…wait for them to say something?_

_Of course I do._ Elsa sighed. Right…part of making friends meant having conversation with them first. Conversations were one of the things that she _couldn’t_ rehearse.

 _Maybe I should leave._ The parking lot was right in front of her. Her hands twitched, not sure if she should turn. _No! You have to make friends! You’re nineteen years old and your youth is dwindling away. If you don’t make friends now, then you never will._

She took a deep breath and pulled in.

\--

_Present day…._

Elsa couldn’t believe what had happened.

She shuddered for the millionth time, remembering what happened. So…that was her first impression. Just being fully clothed…in the shower…and frightening Anna to the point that she got assaulted.

She ended up having to rewind the YouTube video that she was watching. It was some cat compilation and right now, a cat had a tissue box stuck to its head. Elsa had hoped that it would provide a distraction, but her mind continued to wander to how mortified she was.

She slowly sipped on her dinner: a peach cup and a Gatorade. She ran out of spoons to use, so she had to slurp the fruit out like a savage. At least nobody could see her be like this. All of her curtains were shut to the point that the only way she knew the time was from the clock on her laptop.

Ever since the day when she nearly starved, she had stocked up on non-refrigerated food and drinks. Granola bars, fruit cups, Gatorades and water bottles sat in the corner by her closet.

It was sometime after five when she heard a car pull into the driveway. A door opened from downstairs. Elsa sighed and placed her empty cup down. She turned up the volume on her headphones.

Behind the audio, there was a knock on her door. Elsa pulled the headphones off and let them fall around her neck. The door knocked again. The video’s sound faintly emitted from her headphones.

“Elsa?”

Elsa didn’t know what to say. She wanted to pretend that she wasn’t home, but it was obvious that she was. Her car was parked outside. She could pretend that she was asleep, but she didn’t know if Anna would buy it.

She swallowed. It took so much courage to push out a painful, “Yes?”

“Can I come in?”

 _Absolutely not._ If Anna saw how Elsa lived, she would judge her even more than the fact that Elsa creeped in the shower. The trash hadn’t been taken out in days, there was her food stash, the bed was unmade and it was as dark as night in here.

 _Let me clean up first_ , she wondered if she should say. Then she shook that thought out. That would just prove that she lived horribly.

“Hold on one moment,” Elsa said instead. She walked to her windows and slid the curtains open, letting light stream inside. God, it looked even worse now.

Elsa simply cracked the door open. Anna stiffened. Oh no. Was Elsa frowning too much?

“Do you need something?” Elsa asked, as nonchalantly as she could. Unfortunately, she wasn’t proud of the wording.

“I just wanted to apologize for hitting you earlier. Are you okay?”

“I’m doing fine,” Elsa lied. Her head still hurt and, beneath her shirt, her stomach had a huge bruise on it.

Anna nodded. “Okay. That’s good. It just scared me, was all.”

“Sorry for scaring you,” Elsa returned.

She smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”

Well…at least Anna didn’t look mad or creeped out. She looked…more relieved that anything.

And then…an alien feeling bubbled in Elsa. It was like she was more…relaxed, or something. Her muscles were still tense, but her mind wasn’t running with thoughts anymore. What was this?

Anna looked at her. “Hey…if it’s okay to ask…I have a question.”

Well there went the feeling. “Yes?”

“Do you recommend any bars or anything?”

Um…what? Elsa’s face flushed. That was a wild change in topic. “Bars?”

Anna rubbed the back of her neck and looked away. “Well, it’s just that…I’m new here and all and I was wondering if you have any recommendations.”

Elsa stepped away. She wanted with all her power to slam the door on her. “I…um…don’t have any. Sorry." She thought quickly. “I don’t drink that much…anymore.” _Well aren’t you just lively?_ she spat at herself.

Anna’s eyes softened in what could only be disappointment. Crap. Was she going to invite Elsa to wherever she was going?! Guilt ripped into Elsa’s body…not that she wanted to be around Anna, anyway, let alone drink around her. “Oh. I see. Well thank you for answering anyway.”

 _You have to say something!_ Elsa thought. She mulled it over. “If you need help, you can use…Google Maps.” _Are you kidding me?!_

Pink crept across Anna’s freckled cheeks. “I was just wondering because I just moved here and there’s a lot I don’t know yet, so…you know…I just thought I should ask.”

 _Where did you move from?_ was the thing that Elsa should have said…but in the moment, she refused to say it. She had to leave this conversation even if she’d feel guilty later.

“Thanks anyway. See you.” Anna walked away and Elsa closed the door. Elsa leaned against it, her pulse thudding in her neck.

Elsa had to remind herself to never talk to people again.

\--

_Nine years ago…_

Elsa wanted to run. She wanted to bolt back to her car and drive back to her parent’s house before anyone could see her. Instead, she pushed herself forward, step by painful step.

_You can do this. You will meet people and you can finally be happy._

Someone giggled behind her. Elsa jumped and whipped around to see a couple girls walking together. Were they laughing at her?

Elsa had tried to look nice for today…but then, at last minute, she had changed into something more casual just in case. She went from wearing a sweater, skirt and leggings to simply wearing a pullover and jeans. Her makeup was natural and would pass as a normal face, just…less hideous. As much as she wanted to look pretty, a part of her worried that it would give her more attention than she wanted.

But now she was regretting it all over again. What if a pullover and jeans looked stupid?

Worst of all, she had no time to change back.

_You idiot._

She walked across the campus, her muscles tense and her eyes fixed on the ground. Rain pattered on top of her umbrella and rippled against the shimmering cement. She had made the awful choice of using her smaller umbrella because she didn’t want to be seen lugging around her larger one. But now, as a result, only her head was dry.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…._

Luckily for her stupidity, the building wasn’t too far from where she parked. She dashed under the shaded area and shook her umbrella dry before folding it back up. She went inside, terror quaking inside of her.

_You are here. There is no turning back._

The pep talk only made her feel worse. Regardless, she continued pushing herself forward. The closer she grew to the classroom, the more painful each step became.

She should just run.

_Don’t think about it. You are here. You have to do this._

She had to remind herself that she wasn’t here for her comfort. She was here for her happiness, and the only way to achieve that happiness was to make friends. She had to do this.

Unless she didn’t deserve to be happy.

She was bound to mess up. An accident waiting to happen didn’t deserve friends, right?

Elsa continued pushing herself forward. Until, at long, but unwanted last, the classroom stood in front of her.

Elsa swallowed. She drew her shaking hand toward the doorknob. She took a deep breath. _You can do this. Think about the friends you will make._ And with that, she slowly turned the knob. The door clicked open and she pulled it forward.

Everyone turned their head to her.

Elsa froze in the doorway. _Act natural._ She forced on a tight smile and gave a small wave. Stop! Who waves at a classroom?! Her smile faltered and her gaze returned to the ground. She slipped inside, pushing through the sea of students. There was a seat in the back corner. She sat down in it, her face on fire.

“Why hello!” the leader said from the front. He was a slim student in his early twenties and with dark hair. All of the students looked back at her. Her face grew even hotter. “Welcome to art club! We were just getting started.”

“S-sorry. There was traffic,” Elsa squeaked.

“Don’t worry about it. However, we will need to see your student ID.”

Elsa cussed in her head. Her hands shook. _Please sit still. You’re embarrassing yourself._ Stiffening the muscles in her arms, she carefully opened her backpack and pulled out her ID.

“Very good,” he said. “Sorry about that. It’s part of the rules. I haven’t seen you around before.”

“I take online classes….”

“I see. How do you like the campus?”

 _Please stop talking to me,_ she thought. “It’s nice.”

Eventually the leader stopped talking to her. Students chattered until, about a minute later, the leader said, “Let’s get started!”

He began explaining what the art club was about and what the students would do in it. Elsa tried to listen. Her mind, however, kept drifting away to how much she shook and blushed.

_Please…please control yourself._

“And now we’re going to introduce ourselves.”

Elsa’s eyes widened. She wanted to throw up.

“Here’s how we’ll do it: You’ll say your name, your major, your year and what your favorite medium is. I’ll start with mine-”

 _“Elsa, illustration, freshman; watercolor,”_ Elsa rehearsed in her head. _Okay…you can do this._

“Girl in the back by the window!”

Elsa’s eyes widened again. She looked around to realize that he was talking to her. Again?! Did he hate her or something?

“Would you care to start?”

A bead of sweat pooled on Elsa’s temple. But she nodded.

He smiled.

“I-”

“Oh and I forgot to mention something, sorry. Don’t forget to stand up so everyone can see you.”

“Right….” Elsa pushed her chair back and rose up. “M-my…” _Stop stuttering,_ she thought. “My name is Elsa. I’m a freshman and my major is illustration.” The students hummed and nodded. “And my favorite medium is….”

_Watercolor. Just say watercolor._

Elsa wondered how red her face was. She unclenched her fists, but it only made them shake more.

_Say it, please. You’re hesitating._

Elsa took a deep breath, ready to push the word out.

But wait…what if watercolor was a stupid medium?

What if everyone thought she was stupid for liking watercolors?

What if she was a terrible artist for liking watercolors? What if she didn’t belong here?

The confused, waiting, albeit encouraging looks on everyone’s faces made her shudder. Maybe they were even pitying her.

They would pity her even more if she said watercolors, right?

 _Can you at least lie?_ But what was a good lie? Chalk? Acrylics? Ink?

_You are ridiculous. So ridiculous. Just say watercolor! Look at yourself…being this liar; this dishonest scum._

Elsa looked away. “S-sorry. I’m just….” _Just what? You’re ruining it!_

“Take your time,” the leader said.

_You’re toxic. You are a liar. You’re a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve friends._

_Piece of shit._

_Piece of shit._

_Piece of shit._

_Abusive, disgusting piece of shit._

“Sorry.”

And with that, Elsa ran away.

She didn’t look back. She rushed from the building and back into the rain. She didn’t even open her umbrella. She just kept running, and running, and running, as quiet sobs shuddered in her breath. Rain dampened her hair and dripped down her face, mixing with the tears and makeup.

Once the parking lot was in sight, she rushed to her car. She crawled inside and shut the door, throwing herself into safety all over again. Relief washed over her for a couple seconds, now that she was finally free from that trial.

And then…tears formed in her eyes again. Her lip trembled and her vision swam, flooding the world into indiscernible, watery colors.

She burst into sobs, her tears spilling out of her like a flooded river. She leaned into the steering wheel, tears plopping onto it as she shielded her face from view with her arms. Her shoulders quaked over her.

_I’m never going to be happy, am I…?_

If only she didn’t need people. Life would be so much easier that way.

But…was that even possible? She wanted support. She wanted things to look forward to. She wanted to be able to share the world with other people. To laugh with others, to spend time with others; to feel human.

That need for those things did nothing but hurt her. It was what made her cry at night, what made her cry right now; what made the world so bleak. Life would be so much easier without those feelings.

Could there ever be a day where she wouldn’t need people?

She hoped that one day, that could be possible.


	4. Blowjobbed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for everyone whos reviewed!

Months had passed and it was finally summer. All of the plants were in full bloom, the weather was getting hotter and tourists started flooding the town, filling up the parks and streets.

As for Elsa, she got to visit her favorite place: The nature trails. Summertime meant that the forests were bursting with life. That, coupled with the temperatures, meant that it was the perfect time for Elsa to create landscape paintings.

The sun beat down through the canopy, speckling the forest floor with golden dots. Elsa sat on a piece of wood, painting the mossy forest in front of her. It wasn’t the most popular nature trail, which was great for Elsa, but also with a good eye, one could still see the beauty in it. Olaf lay on the leaves by her side.

“Just have to do some finishing touches,” Elsa mumbled. She fixed a couple things that she wasn’t too happy with. She kept studying it.

“I believe that this is good enough. I’ll probably see a mistake later, but I can do the rest at home.” She turned the painting to Olaf. “Do you think it’s good enough?”

Olaf glanced for a second. He licked his nose and looked away.

Elsa pulled the painting away. “I see how it is. You’re a dog. You don’t appreciate art like I do, but I’ll have you know that it’s what’s paying for your dog food.”

Olaf said nothing. Why would he say anything? Dogs didn’t talk.

Elsa waited for the paint to dry before standing. Olaf followed as she walked back onto the wooden trail.

The drive back was a short one. Elsa pulled into her driveway. Olaf bounced out of the car and wiggled his rear as he waited at the door, then bolted inside as soon as the door got unlocked. He lapped at his water.

Elsa wiped the sweat off her brow and downed herself a water as well. At this point in the year, she’d need to stock up before going on another trip like that.

\--

Elsa decided to take a break from her painting. She knew that if she spent too much time on it and didn’t let it sit, then she’d be more prone to not catching mistakes. Hence, she decided to finish commissions instead.

The stream of sunlight from the crack of the curtains were long gone. Her laptop’s clock said that it was past eleven at night.

Her hands motioned over her Cintiq as she worked on an illustration. Instrumental music blasted in her headphones when she swore that she heard a phone ring.

Was it just the music? Since when did anyone call her? Elsa shrugged it off and kept painting.

The noise played again.

 _Jingle jingle! Jingle jingle! Jingle jingle!_ It was a faint but annoying sound behind what should be peaceful music. Elsa pulled one of the earpieces up only for the sound to grow louder.

 _Who is calling me? I didn’t know people called me._ Maybe it was a telemarketer? If that was the case, then she could just put the phone on silent until they gave up.

Elsa released her headphones and stretched across the desk until her phone was in her grip. When she saw who was calling, her heart leapt in her throat.

Anna.

Elsa swallowed. Why was Anna calling her? What did Anna want of all people?

Wait…was Anna even home? Her car was in the driveway, but the house had been eerily quiet. Was something wrong? Was that why Anna called?! Elsa shut her eyes tight before slamming her finger on the answer button.

“H…h-hello?” She cleared her throat. “Hello?” she said again.

“Heyyy, is this…is this Elsa?”

Elsa’s stomach plummeted from the sniffling thickness in what could only be Anna’s voice. “Yes, that is me.” She paused. “Do you need something…?”

“Yeah…can you pick me up or something?”

“Um….” Elsa mulled it over. Should she really? She didn’t want to be rude…but she also knew that if she was in a car, then she was obligated to talk to- _Just do it, please! Something is clearly wrong._ “Yes, I can. Where are you?” The words were painful when leaving her mouth. She’d rather burry herself in a hole and die.

Anna sniffled. “Poulsbo.”

Elsa wanted to slap herself in the forehead. Poulsbo was the town that they lived in. Where did Elsa think she was, in Mexico? She took a deep breath. “Could you be more specific, please?”

Anna sobbed into the phone. “Well…I just thought I should tell you Poulsbo…you know…just in case you thought I went somewhere else. I just wanted to-”

“No, it’s okay! Thank you for the clarification,” Elsa said. She tousled her hair, so close to ripping it out. “So…where are you in Poulsbo?”

“A bar.”

“Which bar?”

“That really popular one…hold on…let me seeee what it’s called. Um….” There were footsteps while she still sobbed.

Elsa waited. At long last, Anna slurred out the name. Elsa looked it up on Google Maps and, thankfully, a result popped up not too far from her house. She set up the directions towards it. She picked up her keys and began heading out of the house, phone still to her ear. “Alright, I got it. Thank you, Anna. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

“Thanks, Elss….”

Elsa blushed at the nickname. “Anytime.” She got into the car. “I’m heading there right now. I’ll see you in a moment.”

“Thanks, Elss…bye.”

“Bye,” Elsa pushed out. She hung up and took a deep breath. Wow, she sounded so forced in that conversation. Hopefully Anna would be too inebriated to remember this.

And now…she had to deal with a clearly upset Anna. Elsa’s insides twisted.

_How am I supposed to comfort people?_

Did something happen to her? Did her friends abandon her? Did she embarrass herself? Did she get roofied?! Wait…roofied? Did Elsa have to think such horrible stuff? Also, Anna was clearly functional enough to not get roofied.

The drive was a quick one…much to Elsa’s discomfort. She parked near the bar and saw Anna outside. She rolled down the window and Elsa thought about calling her name, but her voice caught in her throat, so she just waited for Anna to stare for a while before stumbling forward.

“There you are,” Anna said. Through the dim street lights, Elsa could see that her face was runny with makeup. Eyeliner streamed down her cheeks and her lipstick was smeared.

Anna struggled to open the door and nearly tottered into the car. “I’m so glad you’re here. I want a taxi but…I ran outta money.”

“It’s alright,” Elsa said. She thought for a moment. _What happened? Are you okay?_ was something that she probably should have added, but instead she drove off with her mouth shut. She bit her lip.

Anna kept sniffling. Her disheveled head of red hair was turned towards her as she watched the passing lights. “Thank you even though your car…smells like dogs.”

“I take my dog with me to a lot of places.”

Anna shook with tears. Elsa’s shoulders stiffened. “I wish I had a dog. They’re so cute and…companions…. Not like that dumbass!” She burst into sobs again. “I can’t fuck a dog, Elsa! It’s bestiality. It isn’t right!”

At least Elsa was driving. She had a reason to not attempt comfort, since she had to focus on the road. “Dumbass?” she repeated.

“That guy I blowjobbed…I thought we…that we had a connection! I was going to think we’ll be husband and wife.” She wiped her tears and smeared makeup across her face and arm. “I thought that he’d do more with me, but then he…he didn’t want to!”

 _You are really, really drunk,_ Elsa wanted to tell her, but she held her tongue. “I…” Was she actually going to reason with an inconsolable drunk? “You can’t marry someone you just met.”

Anna sniffled. “You think so?”

“I know.”

“But we had a connection!”

Elsa said nothing. What was she supposed to say?

Anna cried. “He was the perfect man! We could be closer if I had condoms!”

“Look…Anna.” Elsa took a deep breath. “You are drunk. There is a likelihood that he’s not as perfect as you think if you were sober. I don’t think…a connection could be formed in this context…as far as I know.” She didn’t even know how to make friends, so what did she know? Immediately she wished that she said nothing.

Anna burst into heavier tears.

“But…I mean…you can still form a connection!” Elsa said through Anna’s sobs. Sweat pooled near her temple. “You just…have to…um….” She pulled into the driveway. “Um…”

“Can I be connected with you?”

Shivers shot up Elsa’s spine. She turned to look at her, feeling her face brighten beneath the house’s security light. “Excuse me?”

“Can I be connected to you, Elsa?” There was this cute, hopeful glimmer on her snotty, tear and makeup covered face. Elsa’s heart skipped a beat. She was so deprived of affection that…when presented with the idea, was she thinking _Anna_ , who was her roommate, was _cute_ right now?!

 _This is not cute! Snap out of it! She’s drunk and if she tries to have sex with you next, then-!_ Her thoughts got cut off by Anna opening the door and blowing vomit across the cement outside. Well…at least Anna wasn’t cute anymore?

“Um…here…let me help you out,” Elsa said. She got out of the car and walked around it, stepping over the vomit while holding back disgust. She helped Anna out of the car, making sure that they didn’t step in Anna’s mess. “Are you okay?”

“I think so.” The voice sounded unsure. _Please tell me that you aren’t going to vomit again._

Elsa helped Anna into the house. “I can do the rest from here,” Anna said, wobbling away from Elsa’s grip. She gripped onto the railing and pushed herself up a couple steps before tottering back. Elsa rushed and caught her in time before she could do a backwards somersault.

“Let me help you to the stairs,” Elsa sputtered as Anna leaned into her chest. Anna didn’t stand back up.

“Your chest is squishy. Are these your boobs?”

Elsa’s face burst into heat. She scrambled Anna back into standing position and helped her up the stairs. Anna leaned on Elsa’s shoulder, beneath one of her burning ears. Elsa brought her to her bedroom and helped her into bed.

“Elsa…thank you.”

“Of course.”

She gave Elsa a tired but playful look. “Do you have any favors you want me to give?”

Elsa took several strides back. _Please stop flirting with me! You’re my roommate,_ she thought. “Absolutely not,” she spilled. Crap! Was that too rude?! “I-I-I can’t have sex with drunk people. And…and…” She thought of a lie. “I’m straight.”

“But why?”

“Because I was born that way.”

“No. I mean you can’t have sex with drunks?”

“No. It isn’t right, Anna.”

A horror glazed over Anna’s eyes. She looked away. “Oh. Then…I shouldn’t have…done that with him….”

“No. You shouldn’t have.”

Anna started sniffling again. Elsa wanted to slap herself. Of course Elsa had to make everything worse….

“I didn’t mean to,” she sobbed.

Elsa held herself, backing against the wall. “It’s alright, Anna. We’re human.”

“Human….”

“Yes.”

Anna closed her eyes. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

“I have to.”

Elsa remained pressed against the wall. “No you don’t.”

“I did it for a bad reason.”

Elsa said nothing.

“Something is wrong with me, right? I’m…all alone. It’s my birthday and I’m all alone. I thought I’d party on my twenty one birthday, but…I’m alone instead.”

Elsa’s heart stopped. “It’s your birthday?”

“Yeah,” she whispered.

“Happy birthday.”

“Thank you.” She pulled the covers over herself. “I thought I’ll have fun…but instead I’m a slutty bitch. That’s why I’m here.”

“Do you have any friends?”

“Not anymore. Not since leaving.”

Elsa swallowed. She carefully pulled herself forward, slow step after step, until she was a foot from the bed. “I’m…sorry.”

“Thank you.”

Elsa stayed silent, mulling over words in her head. Should she…say something? Would it be embarrassing? Or maybe Anna wouldn’t remember? Should she say it? “I don’t have friends either.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“Okay.” She yawned. “I can be your friend…and we can be alone together?”

Elsa froze. Sure…Anna was drunk. And sure, she would probably either forget or regret this conversation. So why was there this weird, uncomfortable, heavy warmth forming in her?

But she nodded anyway. “Of course.”


	5. Duplo Blocks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your patience on the long wait. so much had happened during my absence, in both good and bad ways. i feel like ive grown tremendously as a person from how much has happened too, but thats a story for another day.
> 
> also, this fic is officially complete! (writing wise- obviously it needs to continue updating as im writing this message.) i hope to work on the sequel soon. im excited to write elsa and anna's growth + slowly budding romance. :3

_Twenty years ago…_

“Make sure to participate, alright?”

“I know,” Elsa told Dad as she stood from the bench. Dad had pulled away from the adults to give her the pep talk.

“Elsa. I’m serious. This is your one chance to make friends.”

“I know,” Elsa said again.

“Are you sure that you know?”

“Yes. Play with the other kids.”

Dad smiled. “Good. Now go and play, alright?”

“Okay, Dad.” She pushed away from him and ran to the playground. Once close, the jungle gym towered over her. Her heart raced in excitement. She slowed to a stop in the woodchips and craned her head at where the slide was.

“Hey, guys!” Elsa said. “What are you doing?”

The group of kids ignored her. They chattered while sliding down and crawling up the slide.

“Guys?” Still, no response.

Elsa looked back. Dad watched, his eyes piercing into her. Her insides twisted in knots.

Elsa grabbed onto the ladder. She crawled onto the jungle gym towards the step where the slide was. “Hi, guys!”

The kids still ignored her. Elsa bit her lip. She looked back again to see that Dad was busy talking to the parents now. But still…if she failed to make friends, then he’d be disappointed! She had no choice.

The kids pretended that they were hamsters and that the slide was a tube. So Elsa dropped to her fours. “Squeak, squeak!” She jumped into the slide.

Elsa crashed. A kid was in front of her. “Hey!” the boy spat as they tumbled out of the slide into the woodchips. “Why are you annoying us?!”

Elsa stood up and brushed the woodchips off. “I saw you guys slide together at the same time so I thought I could join!”

“I only slide with my friends.”

It was like a white hot dagger rammed inside her chest. Pain wrenched in her…but also fear. Fear that Dad would be mad at her for failing. “Well…I can be your friend.”

“I can’t talk to strangers.”

“I’m one of the homeschool kids too,” Elsa said, gesturing towards the group of parents chatting. “I’m part of the outing too.”

“Why do you sound funny?”

Elsa stepped back. “What?”

The other kids had slid down, sensing the tension. They stood at the other kid’s side.

The kid continued. “Say ‘ass’.”

Elsa froze. Wasn’t that a bad word? But she had to do what she could to make friends. “Ass.”

The kids burst into laughter.

“What did I do?”

“You say your s’s with a ‘th’!”

Horror dawned on Elsa. Did she really? “No I don’t!”

“Ath!” a kid said while crossing her eyes and mimicking her in the dopiest voice she could. Elsa clenched her fists, vision swimming.

“I don’t sound like-”

They laughed again.

The girl crossed her eyes again and stuck her tongue out. “Th – th – th – th – th – th – th! Th – th – th – th – th – th – th! That’s what _retards_ sound like!”

“I’m not-!”

“No one wants to play with a retard!”

“Let’s keep playing, guys.” The kids crawled back up the jungle gym. The leader pointed down at her. “And you can’t!”

Elsa looked back to see that the parents didn’t see that. Thank goodness….

She shuffled the woodchips under her feet as she swallowed down the lump in her throat. Did she really sound weird? Under her breath, she tried to make a _sssss_ sound. Never had she thought about the way her voice sounded, but now it hit her that…she sounded bizarre.

Her voice was ugly.

Her words were flawed.

She was different.

She remembered something…a couple years ago, at church, she was playing with Duplo blocks with a boy who was thirteen years old. Dad had pulled her to the side and told her to play pretend with the girls her age instead of with the baby toys.

_“But that guy is older than me and he’s playing with the blocks!” Elsa had said._

_“Shhh…keep your voice down.” Dad looked from side to side, then dropped into a whisper. “He’s sick, Elsa.”_

_“Sick? Am I gonna-?”_

_“No, not that kind of sick. He’s mentally disabled. That’s why he plays with the preschool toys.”_

_“What’s that?”_

_“It means that he was born with a mind that’s not right. He doesn’t think like a regular boy should.”_

Elsa hadn’t said anything else to her dad, but she remembered, as she made her way home that day that…was she “mentally disabled” too? After all, she had enjoyed playing with the Duplo blocks too.

And now she found out that she couldn’t speak right either.

The boy wasn’t like a regular boy. She wasn’t like a regular girl.

Something was wrong with her.

\--

_Present day…_

Elsa was so close to shoving the canvas onto her knee and breaking it in half. Olaf watched as his tongue lolled.

“It’s so ugly. Just…how could I make something so terrible?” she grumbled. She took a deep breath to compose herself. “I need to redo this.”

Olaf just sat there. Elsa looked over her shoulder at him.

“I’m sure you would like it, wouldn’t you, little guy?” She turned around and ruffled his head. “Do you want to go on a walk?”

Olaf jumped to his feet. Elsa wasn’t sure if Olaf understood English, but he seemed to know what “walk” meant.

“That’s what I thought,” she sighed. “Well…I better get a blank canvas. This one is going in the trash….” She opened her door and Olaf bolted out. After gathering her supplies, she followed.

Before she could make it downstairs, she paused. She looked across the hall at Anna’s door.

It had only been a few days since Anna recovered from the incident. Ever since then, Elsa had been mulling it over: Was Anna really that lonely?

Should…should Elsa help?

Elsa crept closer to Anna’s door. She froze.

What if Anna was lonely but didn’t want Elsa to be around her?

Or worst of all…what if Anna wasn’t lonely at all and Elsa was just overthinking things?

Elsa resisted a sigh. She took a step back, about to leave until, suddenly, the door opened.

“Eep!” Elsa nearly leapt to the ceiling. She whipped around to see Anna staring at her, just as startled as she was.

“Oh, sorry! Didn’t see you there,” Anna said.

“I-I-I was just about to….” Her words drained out. What if telling her made Anna judge her?

Anna’s gaze landed on the painting supplies. “Are you going to paint something?”

Elsa’s face flushed. “I-I don’t know….” she mumbled softer than a whisper. Anna furrowed her brow.

“Sorry, didn’t catch that.”

“Yes,” she squeaked. She flinched.

Anna frowned. Elsa’s heart palpitated.

Then…Anna forced on a gentle smile. “That’s really cool. What are you going to paint?”

Elsa looked away. “Um…”

“I mean…only if you want to tell me.”

Elsa shook her embarrassment away. _It’s not you, I promise. It’s me,_ she thought. Instead, she said, “It’s okay. I’m going to paint…” She swallowed. “A scenery.”

“That’s cool!”

“Thank you.”

Anna smoothed her hair back. It was hanging down over her shoulders. “No problem.” She passed Elsa and started heading downstairs. Elsa’s heart raced faster.

_Say it._

_Say it before she leaves._

_But what if she doesn’t want to?!_

_But you’ll also be rude if-!_

Elsa’s breath shuddered. “W…wait!”

Anna looked back.

Her face ignited and her legs quaked. There was no doubt that she looked weird. Anna would certainly not want to be around her! Her stomach twisted into a billion knots.

“Do you want to go to the park with me?!” Crap. That came out too fast and aggressive.

Confusion was written all over Anna’s face. Elsa took a step back.

“Sorry,” Elsa said immediately. “I-i-it’s just that…well, I’m taking Olaf with me because he hasn’t had his walk yet but I assume that he would distract me too much while I tried painting so I was wondering if you wanted to entertain him for me but only if you want to of course because I wouldn’t force it on you.” Elsa stopped herself after realizing how much garbage was spilling out of her mouth.

Anna said nothing. Sweat dripped down Elsa’s neck.

“What I mean to say is-”

“Sure, I can help.”

“What?”

“What?”

Elsa stepped back. Anna stepped back too.

“So…you mean it?”

Anna held herself. “Of course. I can watch Olaf for you while you paint. It’s no problem at all. I’m so bored today anyway.”

“Thank you. Um…here or at the park?”

“Didn’t you say at the park?”

“Right. I mean, yes, I did.” Elsa walked downstairs with her. “I guess we’re going then.”

“I guess so.”

They walked to the car. Elsa put her stuff in the backseat as Anna helped Olaf in.

“You can take the front seat.” _Oh my God, because there isn’t any other seat left,_ she thought to herself, inwardly cringing. She forced out a laugh. “Because there isn’t another seat available, of course.”

Anna laughed too. It was also forced. “Yup.”

Elsa wanted to scream. She went into the driver’s while Anna went into the passenger’s.

 _You’re really messing up here,_ she thought.

_Why did you think inviting her was a good idea?_

_You’re just going to be awkward and she’s going to have a bad time!_

“So….” Anna tapped her knees as Elsa drove. “It’s pretty cool, isn’t it?”

 _What is?_ “Yes,” Elsa said instead. “It sure is.”

Awkward silence. If Elsa could, she would bash her head in with the steering wheel.

“So…do you paint a lot?”

“Um….” Elsa thought for a moment. “Yes, I do. It’s how I…” She bit her lip. “It’s how I make a living.” She kept herself from flinching, feeling as if she would get hit or at least shouted at.

“So that’s what you do,” Anna mused aloud.

“Yes, that’s what I do.”

“Like…you just paint whatever and sell them or something? Have you ever been in a museum?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. I paint what other people want me to paint. Except for right now- I just have free time on my hands.” Oh God. She was rambling, wasn’t she? “I illustrate children’s books usually, because that’s the market that demands most illustrations. I mean- adult novels don’t really…have…illustrations.” _Thank you, queen obvious._

“That’s amazing!” Anna said. Elsa glanced from the road at her. Her smile was wide and genuine. Elsa’s muscles sagged in relief. “I wish I could do something like that. I can’t even draw-”

“Stick figures?”

“Exactly! How did you know that I was going to say that?”

Elsa held back a laugh.

“So what kind of books do you illustrate for? Anything famous?”

“Well…one did pretty well. It got published a few years ago.” Elsa knew for a fact that she wouldn’t know what it was. She was too old to have read it.

“Which one?”

“It’s about an ermine and a mouse-”

Anna gasped. “Oh, I know that one!”

Elsa blinked. “You do?”

“The ermine lives alone in a burrow and the mouse tries to seek shelter from a hawk, right?”

“Yes, that’s it. How did you know about it?”

“I babysat a couple years ago and they had that book. I loved the art.” Her voice softened. “That’s really amazing, Elsa. I had no idea I was living with the person who made that book.”

Elsa blushed. “I just painted for it. I didn’t write it or anything.”

“But still, that’s amazing.”

“Thank you.”

They finally made it to the park. Elsa parked and stepped out of the car, grabbing her stuff and heading to the trail. Anna followed and had agreed to hold Olaf’s leash, which was great for Elsa since she now had more room in her hands.

“There’s an off-leash area not too far from here,” Elsa said after setting up her painting spot. “You’re welcome to let him off there.”

“Sure thing! Let’s go, Olaf!” Anna added in a babying voice. She started walking and looked back at Elsa. “I’ll see you…when?”

“Let’s check back on each other in an hour.”

“Sounds good. Well I’ll see you in an hour!” She waved as she started stepping away.

“Thank you for watching him.”

“Of course!”

The two parted ways and Elsa sighed. It was a sigh of relief. Coupled with her social exhaustion, she also felt…a weird buzz in her. It was like she was…lighter…brighter…from that conversation in the car. It was a feeling that could make her smile if she wanted to, if that made sense.

And just as she felt it, fear and guilt and doubt swallowed it.

\--

_Twenty years ago…_

“Did you make friends?” That was the first question Dad asked as soon as they got in the car.

Elsa held herself in the backseat. She looked out of the window at the passing buildings. “Yes,” she lied.

“What are their names?”

Elsa pursed her lips. She dug into her memory until she recalled a name that she heard on the playground. “Isaac.”

“Which kid is that?”

“Um…”

“You didn’t, did you?”

Elsa’s face paled. The lump formed in her throat again.

Dad sighed. “Elsa. I saw you on the swing set. You weren’t interacting with anyone.”

“Dad?”

“Don’t change the subject, Elsa.”

“Why do I sound funny?”

A silence fell over Dad for a moment. “…What do you mean?”

“I say my s’s wrong.”

More silence. “Did they make fun of you?”

Elsa’s stomach twisted. She didn’t know what to say.

“Elsa? Tell me.”

“Y…yes….” She held herself again.

Dad shook his head. Elsa’s heart plummeted. “I should have known.” He stared at the road. “You need to stop pronouncing them wrong.”

“But how do I?”

“Remember when I took you to that doctor in Seattle?”

“Yeah. The drive was long.”

“It’s time that you know why. It wasn’t for no reason. You see…your mother was different than other people. When I noticed that you were like your mother, I suspected that you were different too.”

Different. The word pierced Elsa and crushed her inside. So it was true after all.

“So I learned that you were different too.”

Elsa felt sick.

“But…recently, I looked into it. I heard about a type of therapy that can help.”

“Therapy?”

“It’s like a doctor that can fix your mind and behavior.”

 _I really am different…._ She was so different that she needed a brain doctor. And to think that just a few hours ago, she thought that she was normal.

“The therapist will help you become normal. He will teach you how to speak correctly, how to have a conversation, look people in the eye, how to not fidget….”

Elsa realized that she was rocking in her seat. She stopped herself.

“Starting tomorrow, I’m arranging an appointment for you.”

Elsa thought. She could be happier…she could be normal…and one day, she’d be able to make friends like she was supposed to. “Okay.”

\--

_Present day…_

The hour was up when Elsa spotted Anna strolling back with Olaf.

“How’s the painting going?”

“It’s going good,” Elsa said. “How is Olaf?”

“He’s the sweetest. I notice that he loves to cuddle.”

Elsa laughed. “He sure does.”

Anna glanced at the painting. “Wow! That looks amazing, Elsa.”

Elsa blushed. The painting was a piece of the forest that she was facing. “Thanks, but…it isn’t done.” She thought quickly. “I can do the finishing touches at home, though.” Normally she’d take her time, but she didn’t want Anna to wait too long because of her. Elsa began packing up.

Anna smiled as they walked down the path. “This was really nice, Elsa. Thank you for inviting me.”

“You’re very welcome. Thank you for watching Olaf.”

“Anytime.”

As they strolled down the path, Anna turned her head to the playground.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen a swing set.”

Elsa slowed to a stop. “Do you…want to swing?” She tried not to cringe at her own question. What kind of adult wanted to-?!

“I’d love to, but only if you want to. We can totally go home.”

Elsa paused in surprise. “It’s okay.”

Anna’s eyes brightened before she headed towards the swings. Elsa watched. Her leg twitched, as if she wanted to join her.

_This is childish._

_Something is wrong with you._

_Maybe something is wrong with her?_

Anna turned around. “C’mon, what are you waiting for?”

Elsa took a deep breath. “Coming.” She took a step forward…then another…then another.  Anna was already rested on a swing as Elsa set her stuff down and shakily brought herself over. Elsa took her time setting herself into the other one. Her hands gripped onto the rubber chains for dear life.

“Sorry. I just couldn’t resist,” Anna said. She pushed herself back before lifting her feet from the ground. She swung back and forth, her red hair looking like fire in the sun as it whipped across her face.

Elsa shuddered. Elsa’s head spun.

Then, in a split second, her feet skittered backwards. She let go of the ground and allowed the swing to rock her.

At first, she felt ridiculous. Then…it felt good. The breeze, the excitement; the sensation of rocking. Elsa trembled in what was terror, but she found it quickly being replaced with…whatever this feeling was. This weird sense of freedom thanks to this pointless, childish object.

It was the feeling she had when she was a child, before the worries of the world caught up to her.

Anna laughed. “You’re way better at this than I am.”

Elsa realized that she was swinging in broader motions than Anna. She laughed too.

“I don’t know why. I haven’t done this in years,” Elsa said with her face feeling weird. Was she smiling?

The two swung for a couple more minutes before Anna released herself. She tottered, struggling to keep her balance. Elsa tried not to giggle out loud. She released herself next and did the same. It was Anna’s turn to laugh.

“Did you have fun?” Elsa said.

“I did! Again, sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize,” Elsa said.

Anna rounded up Olaf while Elsa gathered her stuff. They walked to the car together, Elsa feeling lighter than she had in a long time.

Maybe she wasn’t so alone after all.


End file.
